mozart and the whale - dialogue transcript

Sweetie, you can't disappoint me.     
'Cause whatever you are...     
is exactly what I want.

Don't worry about him.
He's unflappable.

Birds never play into the accidents,
anyway. It’s usually the radio.
The radio is...
...you got a problem?
-It’s the radio.

I see the deployment
of the entire fleet in my mind.
-Did you see that?
-Is anyone hurt?

I called my parents on the phone.
They're picking me up
at the bulletin board.
There's no bulletin board
at the park. You're screwed!
They'll never find you. Ever.
Regular people lose autistic people
all the time. That’s just the way it is.
They'll never find me. Ever.
I want everybody to practice
telling personal stories.
And I think that people will be less
shy without the opposite sex...
...around. Do you think?
-I can tell them about my raise.
Bad idea.
Your raise is incredibly boring.
As a story, it lacks dramatic
tension and narrative drive.
You won't hear it.
You're not a girl.
I am, and I'm already bored!

Hey, somebody new signed up.
Isabelle Sorensen.
Gracie, maybe it’d be nice
if you let her start.
That way,
everybody can get to know her.
-Hi.
-Hi.
I'm new.
I don't really know what to say.
kay, help me out.
Ask me a question.
The candy bar Baby Ruth
was named after the daughter...
of President Glover Cleveland.
He once worked as a hangman
in Buffalo, New York.
No. Don't distract with a lot of weird
ball stuff 'cause I get completely lost.
He was one of the presidents
who had illegitimate children...
together with Thomas Jefferson
and Warren G. Harding.

I don't get that. How do   guys
have children together?
They didn't even live
in the same century.

I do that.
I take things sort of literally.

Animals are different.
You can't teach them cruelty.

It turns out
you can't control people...
or even predict them.
But numbers are different. As I use
to say, you can count on them.

People with Asperger's want contact
with other people very much.
We're just pathetically
clueless at it, that’s all.

Hey, why are you laughing?
I just told you I was raped.
Keep laughing, ladies.
I don't care what my shrink says.
I'm out of here!
Excuse me. Is there some kind
of confusion here?
This is no damn confusion,
this is a fight.
Hi, I'm Donald Morton.
We haven't met.
Can you tell the difference
between confusion and a fight...
or are you just as dingy
as they are?
Some of us aren't as functional
as the others...
but that’s no reason
to call anyone “dingy”.
Don't... Don't condescend
to this women.
They're no crazier than I am.
Yes, we are!

I'm weird,
but I'm not strange!
You're right. This is no matter of
confusion. It’s a matter of discord.
That’s a nice sweater.
Look, this is my first time
in your little fish tank...
and I'm just giving these women
a lesson from my heart...
which they sorely need.
So that’s all about self-esteem.
You can kiss my self-esteem butt,
Donald Duck!
Why tell your life story...
...and tell only the good parts?
-It’s Donald Morton.
You're missing my point!
No, I'm not.
I just never know what to say.
Neither do I.
We're quite the pair, huh?
What’s the point?
Not being alone.
Considering who we are,
what the hell is so great about that?

Then again, he is autistic.
Did I tell you that he's tall?

Hey, Bongo.
It’s nice to obsess on something
beautiful, for a change.

Hello. Hello?
-Really? What do you do?
-Yeah, yeah, I'm a writer.
-You write?
-Yeah.
But you shouldn’t read my writing
because it repels women.

What did you say to her?
I said I was a writer,
as it repels women.
And then, what did she say?
Try me.
It figures.
She's coming
to the Halloween party with me.
That’s great.
Tell me about it.
I'm gonna go as Batman.
A whimsical commentary
on today's decaying popular culture.

-Oh, yeah? What’s she going as?
-Who cares?
-I do.
-Ask her.
-Ask her what she's going...
-Ask her if she'll come with me.
-I was seized by terror.
-I don't know if I can do that.
You both have Asperger's,
you both share the language...
of emotional dysfunction,
whereas I, on the other hand...
just irritate the shit out of everyone!
Even you.
She likes you though.
She laughed.
Everybody laughs at me. It doesn't
commit them to a Halloween party.

You know, a mandrill spends
two hours a day eating breakfast.

I think that tonight we should
sneak back in here...
and set all the animals free,
except for the polar bears.
It’s too warm.
That was a joke.

You have something to tell me,
remember?
My friend Gregory wants to take you
to the Halloween party.
Is that it?
I don't go to the
Halloween party ever, so...
My friends dress up
on Halloween...
to hide who they really are.
And...
That’s sad, but credible.
I've a costume too.
At home.
But it reveals who I really am,
and nobody knows.
You take me to the party.
Wear your costume.
I would be so honored.
In fact, let’s not go to the party.
Just meet me at the mall.
Everyone is in costume,
they won't even notice us.
That’s what I love
about Halloween.

I'm late.
Which is ironic, because I started
out   hours and    minutes early.
You know what?
At this point...
probably better not to go at all,
you think?
I mean, she probably left already.
And if she didn't, she'll just be
really irritated when I show up.
And I wouldn’t know what to say.
You know how I get when
I don't know what to say.
Probably better not to go at all.
That’s our doorbell.
I'll be right back.



Nice whale costume.
-Dr. Mozart, I presume.
-Mozart wasn't a doctor.
Symphony    G Minor.
It’s about anger, passion,
and transcendence.
-Like you.
-Thanks.

-So this is who you really are?
-Yeah.
This is so hot!
Are you in there?
Mr. Jonah!
What are you laughing at, toots?
At least my boyfriend is a vegetarian!
You have a boyfriend?
No, it’s a joke.
You are the vegetarian
because you're a whale.
Whales aren't vegetarians.
They eat krill.
-So why is that?
-Because they're tiny shrimp.
That you're a whale?
For lots of reasons.
Name six.
-For one, they're very big.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-And...?
All my life I kind of felt
I was on the sidewise...
like watching the parade go by.
When you are a whale,
you are the parade.
I bet you know all about whales.
-Yes.
-Well, tell me.
Well, it’s a very long story.
Quick, Donald, tell me!
Well, the bus is coming.
Yep.
So, Donald, this is our first kiss.
No tongue.
Why don't you take this thing off?
You don't need it anymore.
I'm not quite so sure
what I'm wearing underneath.
Well, what the hell?
Let’s lift it up.
kay, Mr. Whale, you can go.
Just there.
That’s nice.
That was a mix up
at the laundromat.
On second thought, maybe
we should have some tongue.
Call me!
When?
When should I call you?

Long messages are cheerfully
ignored. Get it over with.

Donald, you can see everything
from up here!
Look at the sky.
It’s the same color as my jacket!
-I'm sure it’s amazing.
-It is. Especially to the East...
where the sun's setting.
-Actually, the sun sets on the West.
-Will stop making conversation?
This is somewhat disappointing.
Just open your eyes, it’s great!
It’s kind of like in the arcade.
When I want to factor a number...
I just...
I visualize it...
going across my eyes.

Your process if very sexual.
Primes are hot.
I like you.
You're so smart!
So cool!

Donald.
This is about sex.         
I'm sorry.
Was that a little abrupt?         
It’s just that I haven't had any...          
in a long, long time.          
Yeah.         
I had an instinct there.         
But sex is gonna be terrific.        
It’s the most fun you can have
with your clothes off.        
I'm sure you've been
with more attractive men.       
Are you kidding me?
You are so hot.      
Anyway, attraction
is a whole package.     
And I've never been
with anyone like you.      
You mean the hygiene?      
You know how many guys                      
Plenty.      
Well, they wouldn’t be there
in the morning.      
I'll be there in the morning.
I live here.       
Is there a pathway
to your bedroom?      
You want to go?     
Now?      
Yeah.    
You know how
in the jungle they say that...     
some elephants have longer trunks
and some of them have shorter ones?
Well, I don't care how long
the elephant 's trunk is...     
as long as his thing's okay.

Sweetie, you can't disappoint me.     
'Cause whatever you are...     
is exactly what I want.

-I believe in the truth.
-You believe in gossip.

Don't you hate all his numbers?
Does he change his socks?
Is his penis big enough?
No, no, and yes.

Would you take me to the movies
on Sunday at  ?
Janice, Sundays
I'm with Isabelle. Sorry.         
This is a classic vicious betrayal,
very common in literature!       
And life.

Hey.
Nice to see you again, Gregory.        
It’s very nice to smell you.

As you all know...
Isabelle and I have been seeing
each other since Halloween.         
And maybe we should talk
about how you feel about this.        
It’s sexual harassment!        
That’s a very serious accusation!       
You used your position to extort
sexual favors, you should be replaced.       
My sister's a lawyer.     
Gregory, Donald and I are just
getting to know each other.       
-So, you can still date me?   
So, when you're sick of him,
you can date me?     
Skeets, let’s hear from you.    
Do you have any questions
about me and Isabelle?

Penguins mate only once a year...        
and it lasts   minutes.        
I think they're extremely sexy.
You wanna know why?      
I'm only gonna tell you
if you wanna know.   
-I wanna know.
-I don't, and that’s for sure.       
Skeets?       
When penguins are reunited after
a long separation...   
they stand breast to breast
their heads are thrown back... 
and their little flippers are trembling
and they sing, Skeets...     
because they're so happy
to find each other.

Gracie, how do you feel?
I feel sad.       
About me and Isabelle?       
Bronwin's daddy has blood cancer.      
Regular people get sick too,
not just autistic people...     
that’s just the way it is.       
Yeah, but these days lots of people
get better from chemotherapy and...       
I have to go now. My parents are
meeting me at the bulletin...      
The meeting just started.
Maybe your parents will be there...     
...in a little while.
-Would you like me to go with you?     
We could call your parents
and we could wait together...      
by the bulletin board.    
I'd like to do that.

Izzy, I'm home!
Oh, no.         
What did you do?       
Where's my stuff?     
Did you hear, Izzy?     
Everything's here.
It’s just organized.     
I thought you'd like it.     
Well, now I know where everything
is, so you'd better be nice to me...      
or I'll take the secret
to my grave.      
Where's my shower curtain, huh?       
I threw it out.     
What? God!    
Well, I called the Center
for Disease Control in Atlanta...     
but it was more
than they could handle.     
It was mine!
This is all my stuff!
You had no right to do this! 
I thought you'd like it.
You stole my life!

I'm doing all the numbers
in the parking lot.         
It helps calming me down.       
-Did you lose your job?
-No, my woman.      
And my shower curtain.

Stop calling!        
Hi. This is my   th message.    
Listen, I respectfully think
you should change your greeting...   
in case you get called
by your boss.    
Seriously, I'm fine now.    
And I'm sorry I spoiled our evening.
I am really, really sorry.
It could never ever happen again.      
I mean, to hell
with the shower curtain.

Hey.    
Sorry.    
Everyone... 
this is my boyfriend.
Donald Morton.
Oh, the shower curtain.

Donald?       
Izzy.      
This is the most peaceful... 
the most beautiful place
that I know.   
And the world doesn't want it
anymore, so they left it to me.    
To us.    
This is a special place
that’s just for us.
You know what we need?     
We need a little house
with a yard...    
so that we can plant flowers
and sit in the shade...     
and kiss under the stars.       
The heavens are very
important to me. So...     
I found this tiny place...     
and the rent isn't gonna cost any
more than what we're already paying...      
with our two apartments.     
Izzy, I got fired, remember?   
Dr. Jeffries is the woman at the
university who diagnosed me. And...     
I was telling her about how
you organized this group...        
of lonely people
that everybody else ignores.     
I only did that because
I was lonely too.      
I was telling her how much
you care for them...
and how much
they love you... 
because this is the real work
of your life, Donald... 
only nobody pays you.      
So I asked her
if she could find you a job...  
at the university that would enable
you to continue...  
...this invaluable...
-You did what? 
And she said yes, yes, yes!
Izzy, they don't have cabs
at the University Medical Center.   
Donald Duck,
it comes down to this:
do you want to make me happy?

For one thing, I understand
you're a mathematical genius.        
Who said that?   
Dr. Jeffries recommended
that I called...  
Isabelle Sorensen.
I hope that was all right.     
It’s her fault
that I'm here in the first pace.  
And after everything she told me and
checking on your excellent record...      
in college I'm wondering why you
choose to drive a taxi for a living.  
At my interview with IBM
after I graduated college...     
they asked me what
my plans were and I said:     
“Probably go to McDonald’s
for a  -piece McNugget...    
and   cheeseburgers
and then do my laundry”.    
Did they laugh at least?     
They smiled and
they said they'd call me. 
They didn't.    
Mr. Morton, I run Administrative
Services for the Medical Center.
Your profile is a plus because
we want to give opportunities to...    
people with special needs.   
You can say “autistic”,
I already know.    
“Touché”.
The job would be looking at statistical
runs finding inconsistencies.    
Telling me where the computer got it
wrong. You can do that, can't you?  
Well, sure.    
Well, I can't, and neither can
anybody else I've ever met. So...  
I'm blessed to have you.

-Donald!
-What?    
Prepare to die!
Okay. Ready?      
-No.
-Yes, you are.     
-No.
-It’s gonna be fine

Hank Wallace, Isabelle.
Nice to put a face with the voice.       
That’s right. We talked about
what a genius Mr. Morton is.    
Not to mention a saint.    
Well, only this morning...     
he advised me to be on my very
tippy-toed best behavior tonight...   
so I don't weird you out.
So feel free to advise me
if I deviate from normality...
at anytime.

I don't pretend to be
an expert, but...   
That’s great! 'Cause I hate it
when people do that.     
But your paintings are impressive. 
Oh, yeah.    
Thank you.
Most people want me to paint
something else, you know...
with fewer eyes,
Less violent, less insane. 
I used to tell Donald that
I wanted him to hear my paintings...  
and see my music
'cause I wanted him...
to understand them
like other people couldn’t. 
She doesn't understand that I can.
And I do.  
And most people do.
It’s pretty normal.      
I'm basically a failure, Hank.       
In the material world
I used to be a piano tuner.    
-She's perfect pitch.
-I made good money.
It’s a valued trade, but half the clients
hit on me, and the other half...        
would say something stupid enough
to where I'd blurt out something rude.      
I say things as I think them,
you know?      
Out loud, most of the times.   
Can't hold my temper and, arrogant,
impatient, and I don't suffer fools.      
I have a good heart,
believe it or not... 
I'm lucky that I have a wonderful
guy who's also very generous.    
Did he tell you about
our plans for the house?  
Well, they're not exactly plans
that we plan to implement...
Just maybe ideas, more...
We're going to put this big sandbox
right here in the living room...     
so people and animals can play...
Whatever! 
And then, outside we're going
to put this big aviary...      
so birds and lizards and Bongo
can hang out.     
-Have you met Bongo?
-No, not officially.   
Have you noticed that winters are
coming later and later every year?   
-I like that.
-Have you?   
And it was actually
Donald’s idea that we put...   
a piano in the yard so that all the
local animals can listen to me play.   
It must be global warming.     
Interrupting is not the way
to become the focus of attention...    
it’s very autistic.
Where was I?
The walls.
So I'm gonna paint them in this
one-of-a-kind savage colors...
and get fabrics to put
all over the carpet and stuff...
that scream jungle, you know?
And then...
right up there, by the doorway,
I wanna put this whale-shaped thing...
that you have to walk through,
and then eventually...   
a full-size aquarium because obviously
we love birds, but we also love fish. 
How are we gonna pay for all this?
My boss is going
to think that we're crazy.
Who got you that job
in the first place?
You only got it for me
so I could get you this house...
and these luxuries. 
Well, it’s obvious we don't share
the same dreams.  
That job was for you. And I pushed,
and I sweet-talked you into it...  
because I knew that you would never
go down there by yourself.
But it was all for you,
so you could be proud of yourself!     
I have put up with an array of stuff
from you that no one should tolerate...
because I thought that
you would do the same for me. 
But you made me feel like a freak.
Behave for your boss?
Suddenly this is coming from who,
Mr. Whale Costume? Mr. Toxic Toilet!   
What about the show
that you put on in there?   
Did you do one thing the entire night
that was even halfway normal?
No. Because I was mad and,
sadly, I was just being myself.
Oh, that’s yourself?
That’s yourself?    
That’s the whole point,
Donald Duck.
You're just one more guy who sees
who I really am and can't handle it.
It broke my heart to see
how scared you were. 
-Scared?
-Bringing home your boss to prove...   
that you're normal by showing off
your smart pretty little wife?
Only he saw that she was
just as crazy as you are.   
Crazier!
Crazier!  
There's one difference
between us, Donald.  
You want to be normal.
You crave it.
And that is what broke us up.
I'm leaving now.
I don't want you here
when I get back.
I don't want you here ever,
or you will regret it!

So I got an unlisted number,
but there was no other way.        
I can picture you still calling
every three minutes...     
hoping for some electronic miracle.      
I'm...
I'm not mad anymore, Donald.  
I'm okay.  
So don't obsess
on all that stuff I said.     
Does she have any idea
who she's talking to?    
I've never been able to stay
with any guy for very long...
so I knew I'd end up
breaking your heart.    
A piece of advice:
set a limit on...     
how many times you play this.
Like   .     
-And then erase it, okay?
-That’s    times that I've heard.
It doesn't cost anything.
Don't worry.
I won't go out with her.    
I could never do that to you.     
Who would go whale-watching?   
It’s a wholesome activity,
and the weather should be ideal.    
But I'm foreseeing conditions
to the contrary, such as a...  
Low pressure front which
could really have the boat...  
rocking and rolling.     
The ocean is five hours away.      
Yeah, but whales
are Donald’s favorite thing.      
And it would cheer him up
from Isabelle dumping him.       
I'm not going, and that’s for sure.      
But you could be
the cruise lecturer.
It’s a very prestigious position.    
Or perhaps contrast
the administrations of...    
Chester A. Arthur and
Millard Filmore or whatever!     
Seven. Just two more
for the group rate.     
Let’s watch a whale.
It’s on Sunday.     
Sunday I see my daddy in the hospital.
That’s just the way it is.     
I could call Isabelle.
She doesn't hate me.
I know why you like living with me.     
I'm neater than Isabelle.     
You're neater than me,
tied up in Bloom and that’s it.  
I file my food.
Nobody does that.
Can I give you some advice?
Can I humanly stop you?   
Stick with the group.
Compared to us, you're a god.     
And next to Isabelle,
which you will never meet again...    
you don't come off so hot.

Donald.
Donald, please be there, please.         
Goddamnit, he's dead, Donald.    
Donald, Bongo died.   
-That’s her rabbit.

Be my friend, Donald.       
Be my best friend, please,
because I really need you.   
And I always felt you wanted us
to get married or something.   
-Did I ever say that?
-Not in words.     
But instead of that,
do you want to just be my friend?     
-Without the sex?
-Without the pressure.      
My friendship is all I have to give.    
Do you want it? 
Of course.

And when I brought up sex,
she didn't exactly say no.  
When women want sex,
they usually say yes!

Izzy...  
I don't think you know
what you want. 
You got us a house,
and you got me the job.    
And we keep fighting...    
but you keep bringing me back
into your life.     
And today you brought up marriage,
and I think that you want that.
And I want that too, because...    
you're my only chance,
and I want that chance.    
That’s very freaking flattering.     
You are my only chance
because I love you.      
And I'm your only chance
because you love me too.
Marry me, Isabelle.  
-Thanks for taking the pressure off!
-Isabelle, don't freak out!
-No. You're just like all the others.
-No, I'm not like all the others.    
I don't want you to save me!   
I just want to be left alone!    
Why did I have
to ask her to marry me?

No, I got to go home.
I got to tell her not to marry me.

Izzy, we got to talk!
Izzy, where are you?
Donald? I'm Dr. Jeffries,
Isabelle's psychiatrist.
-Are you okay?
-Is she okay?
I signed the release, and she left.
-Is that safe?
-She's going to be fine.
She'll be in therapy.
She doesn't need therapy.
She's not crazy.
Donald, she needs someone
to listen to her.
I'll go home and I'll listen.
I'm an excellent listener. 
I'll improve.
No, I won't.
Well, Asperger's is a funny animal.
Can I go home now?   
Donald.
I don't want you to see her,
I don't want you to call her.
And neither does she.  kay?
Look at it this way.
She tried to kill herself because
he wouldn’t stop calling her.
No. She tried to kill herself
because I wanted to marry her.
It’s completely different!
If I were you,
I would ask me for advice.    
Don't play her little game.   
Write a story about how she was
eaten by Peruvian fire ants... 
and then run over by a car,
and then fax it to her.
She's expecting me to call.
If I don't, she's gonna go crazy...
and think that
I don't love her anymore!
I'm gonna find another phone.
I know the number.

Excuse me, do you know
when the next bus runs?  
-Sorry.
-I'm chasing someone.  
-By bus?
-Well, it’s important.
Important enough to take the bus.  
My girlfriend left me because...  
I wanted to get married and
she wanted to stay just friends.
The slower this chase, the better.
Stop the bus!

All this time, and you didn't call.   
I was going to call.
You were?  
Well, just to tell you that I wasn't
going to call so you wouldn’t...   
be aggravated, sitting around
and wondering when I was...     
Going to call?    
Yeah.    
But in the end I figured that...
forcing myself into your life
was probably not right.   
I don't always do that.   
So the only nice thing I had left
to give was just not to call.   
I hated you for not calling...   
'cause you were always going to
be there and when you weren't...
it was as if...
you didn't love me anymore.
So go home.
I'll call you.
I can't promise you the future,
Donald Duck.    
I don't know if this is
for   days or    years.     
Finally, there's something
about us that’s normal.     
I missed you so much.

All right, look at what Donald made.   
I'm hungry!
-Delicious.
-Thanksgiving.
-Stop it!
-Blume, don't, don't. Blume...
All right, so I wanted
to thank Donald...
who made this amazing lunch and...
I just wanted to thank you all
for coming, because... 
you are our family.   
And I...
Well, we love you.
Hear, hear!  
Wait, wait. This is to...
Donald Morton...
my husband.
Cheers! 
I love you!
Anyone want gravy?

(mozart & the whale, directed by Petter Næss)